No happiness here. I even took an online class for happiness but failed, I would not choose this or wish it on anyone.


I have no happiness to report. Do you?

Sitting around listening to garbage music in order to block away thoughts and issues so I can function. I guess that is my drug of choice again for a while. Interestingly enough I have been aware of junk-culture for almost two decades now and why it works so well in this currently deranged world. It drugs down the problems, takes down the ability to concentrate and leaves very little time over to grasp reality as it is.

Escapism, as it is commonly called; be it reading books, watching TV or searching internet, talking nonsense or making useless plans, walking around in nightlife, walking the dog… Whatever. It is all the same useless nothing inside nothingness. These people, myself barely and at times faking it to be included in this, are in this world and we can rarely face any higher quality in…

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When you pass that bong around
they’re there to surround
when it gets dark
they lay with the hounds
nowhere to be found
get your connect
and fly out of bounds

Holiday In Hell

I know.  Christmas is coming.  Christmas is coming and I’m not looking forward to it.  I may not be alone on Christmas but I won’t be with family.  I will probably be alone with my two dogs.  I do have a couple of friends here but they have family here also.  The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone else’s family.

Thanksgiving was awful.  I couldn’t bear weight and my left leg hurt.  There was no turkey, or pie, or any trimmings.  I made a sandwich and shared a bite with the dogs.  My youngest son sent me a text to tell me Happy Thanksgiving and I thanked him wishing him one too.  I emailed my older son but he hasn’t answered.  I won’t be doing any shopping for Christmas.  I don’t have an address to send gifts to.  I have a tree up but no decorations.  No one will see it so I don’t care.

Today I bought jalepeno peppers to make poppers for a friend who requested them.  It reminded me of the holidays because I always make them then.  I hurried and finished my shopping not wanting to cry in the store.  I even smiled at the check out clerk.  The groceries are put up and I am alone where it’s safe.  I no longer cry every day and every night I remind myself as my tears fall.  But tonight will be long as I allow myself to remember it’s almost Christmas.

Thanksgiving Day Alone

For the first time in several years I will not be cooking a turkey or trimmings.  I will not have family here to visit.  I am too far away from them today.  I miss them and wonder if this is what I deserve.  Is this what old age has in store for me?

To my older son – enjoy your family.  To Joe- make our stuffed jalepenos and enjoy.

What doctors don’t learn about death and dying


Dying and death confront every new doctor and nurse. In this book excerpt, Atul Gawande asks: Why are we not trained to cope with mortality?

I learned about a lot of things in medical school, but mortality wasn’t one of them. I was given a dry, leathery corpse to dissect in my first term — but that was solely a way to learn about human anatomy. Our textbooks had almost nothing on aging or frailty or dying. How the process unfolds, how people experience the end of their lives and how it affects those around them? That all seemed beside the point. The way we saw it — and the way our professors saw it — the purpose of medical schooling was to teach us how to save lives, not how to tend to their demise.

The one time I remember discussing mortality was during an hour we spent on The…

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Feminism’s Heritage: Freedom vs. Special Protections

Jeb Kinnison

Suffragettes - jebkinnison.com Suffragettes – jebkinnison.com

Peter Wright at AVFM pointed out the division among early feminists between those who wanted freedom to enjoy the rights and opportunities of men (voting, professional employment, equal treatment under the law) and those who wanted special treatment (exemptions from military service, favorable alimony and custody rules, lighter criminal sentences, lowered physical qualification standards for physical jobs.) He pointed me to the work of Ernest Belfort Bax, an early (1913) men’s rights advocate:

Modern Feminism rose slowly above the horizon. Modern Feminism has two distinct sides to it: (1) an articulate political and economic side embracing demands for so-called rights; and (2) a sentimental side which insists in an accentuation of the privileges and immunities which have grown up, not articulately or as the result of definite demands, but as the consequence of sentimental pleading in particular cases. In this way, however, a public opinion became established…

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Why I’ll Never Apologize for My White Male Privilege

Beautifully written Tal Fortgang reports on his white male privelege being handed down from his grandfather who was placed in a Siberian Displacecd Persons camp by the Nazis, and his father who worked long hours to support his family. And yet he acknowledges his male white privelege while refusing to apologize for it.


There is a phrase that floats around college campuses, Princeton being no exception, that threatens to strike down opinions without regard for their merits, but rather solely on the basis of the person that voiced them. “Check your privilege,” the saying goes, and I have been reprimanded by it several times this year. The phrase, handed down by my moral superiors, descends recklessly, like an Obama-sanctioned drone, and aims laser-like at my pinkish-peach complexion, my maleness, and the nerve I displayed in offering an opinion rooted in a personal Weltanschauung. “Check your privilege,” they tell me in a command that teeters between an imposition to actually explore how I got where I am, and a reminder that I ought to feel personally apologetic because white males seem to pull most of the strings in the world.

I do not accuse those who “check” me and my perspective of overt racism…

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