Holiday

Holiday In Hell

I know.  Christmas is coming.  Christmas is coming and I’m not looking forward to it.  I may not be alone on Christmas but I won’t be with family.  I will probably be alone with my two dogs.  I do have a couple of friends here but they have family here also.  The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone else’s family.

Thanksgiving was awful.  I couldn’t bear weight and my left leg hurt.  There was no turkey, or pie, or any trimmings.  I made a sandwich and shared a bite with the dogs.  My youngest son sent me a text to tell me Happy Thanksgiving and I thanked him wishing him one too.  I emailed my older son but he hasn’t answered.  I won’t be doing any shopping for Christmas.  I don’t have an address to send gifts to.  I have a tree up but no decorations.  No one will see it so I don’t care.

Today I bought jalepeno peppers to make poppers for a friend who requested them.  It reminded me of the holidays because I always make them then.  I hurried and finished my shopping not wanting to cry in the store.  I even smiled at the check out clerk.  The groceries are put up and I am alone where it’s safe.  I no longer cry every day and every night I remind myself as my tears fall.  But tonight will be long as I allow myself to remember it’s almost Christmas.

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Thanksgiving Day Alone

For the first time in several years I will not be cooking a turkey or trimmings.  I will not have family here to visit.  I am too far away from them today.  I miss them and wonder if this is what I deserve.  Is this what old age has in store for me?

To my older son – enjoy your family.  To Joe- make our stuffed jalepenos and enjoy.